Okay, so first things first, I am a graduate in Digital Arts, I got a BA in 2D/3D including video editing.
Now here's my 2 cents.
Intro... I lost my interest in the first 10 seconds of the video. Boring imagery along with pointless self-advertising commentary, leave that stuff for the end. Or you can comb it into the actual commentary later when it becomes relevant. You lead people in with your title, make it snappy and lead straight in the topic.
Intro#2... Remove the intro. Or make a quick and snappy that best showcases who you are/or the topic at hand. Make it less than 6 seconds tops. Ideal intro is about 3 seconds. No longer at 10 seconds at most, unless you create some really interesting and unique intro. Like JonTron's intros are nice, they change in designs every now and then to suit the topic.
Intro#3... After your 23 second self-promotion... you had a pretty tame looking intro which lasted 7 seconds, which in my opinion can be cut to 4 seconds. Minus the 23 second promotion intro.
Video is toooooo long. It's a highlight video and the point of a highlight video is to condense all the important juicy points to deliver the viewers. A lot of other channels do this, they first upload uncut long edits then upload a 5-10 minute highlight commentary for those viewers who don't have time to watch 30min videos. If your point is to create a highlight video, make it snappy, cut straight to the point and make it short. This goes back to the short intro tip.
Already mentioned by others, commentary beats around the bush too much. After the intro, you pretty much repeat the same thing over and over for the next 4 minutes. Here is a pretty cliche and simple way to start...
''So I'm here with a highlight video for the latest gameplay video for FFXV, so what's good and what's bad...(moving to the first highlight point)''
I'm not saying that you must do it like this, as this is like one of the most textbook style commentary, but keep it simple/short.
Pointless commentary, about reading all comments/demand etc... You can throw that the end of the video or even leave it as a comment or write it in the description.
If it's a faceless commentary, write a script or bullet points of what you are going to talk about and plan it all beforehand so you don't go back and forth. Commentary is hard, there's no shame in reading from a piece of paper.
Also mentioned by others, too much stops and pauses. Which goes back to the point above about having a script prepared.
There could be some other stuff that I could have missed, but watching the first 3 minutes and forwarding the rest... that's what I can say for now. At the moment, I do not have much incentive to watch the complete video.
Sorry if I sound direct, but when it comes to things like this... well it's just who I am. But I do not claim to be a professional (well sorta...), I'm no Hollywood artist, but take my words as simple advice. It's your choice whether you wish to implement them or not.
Remove the watermark... though I do not have solid research for this and is more of a personal rant; watermarks are one of the first things that throws me off a video. Specially from low-end channels, though I don't any gripe with big channels that have unique content that is created from scratch. But your channels is a pretty low-end channel and it comes off as cocky to have a watermark, well to me at least. This one... hmm...